Two In A Row Baby!

Ok so basically I'm still writing this for myself and I think my wife (she claims to be reading it) but I'm pretty excited about two days, two posts. I'm going overboard and claiming an update habit or anything but it sure is nice to be posting twice in the same year. After writing those first two sentences I realize I literally have no idea what I'm going to write about but the important thing is that I'm writing.

One quick thing I can mention - I actually changed the design of my blog somewhat. You'll notice at the bottom of each post there are share buttons so you can share the amazing wisdom and cunning insight that is spewed forth on a semi-decade basis here. I also added ads. Yes ads. They look pretty non intrusive at this point and I was always curious how people made money off their blogs so I decided to add them and see how it works. From what I gather, every time someone clicks on an ad, I get some dough. So click those ads!

Ok so I still have no idea what to write about so I guess I'll use the old fall back - I'll tell a story! I have some pretty interesting ones from my time in Beijing but since this is the first story I'm telling I'll try to make it a good one. Something gripping and suspenseful yet funny and inspiring. Something... hmmmm - drunken!! How about a drinking story? Ok ok, so most of my stories are drinking stories but that doesn't make them any less gripping...

Alright so I'm in Beijing November of last year and it's my first time that I've traveled there by myself. We actually have a really great friend who acts as translator when we are there so it's never really a problem that I don't speak the language. But this particular time I was actually on my own - I had decided to go out one evening by myself and see if I could not only make it to one of my favorite hang outs in Beijing, but make it back to the hotel. So sitting in my hotel room I realize that there is no way I'm going to be able to tell the taxi driver where I want to go. Problem? Nope - nothing Google can't handle. I just Google the name of the place I want to go, locate what I think is the address of the place in Chinese, whip out my cell phone and snap a picture. Voila - my own personal Chinese communication device.

So I head to the lobby, hop in a taxi, and hand my phone over to the driver. He looks at it for a second, then hands it back and off we go. I throw out a Hao? (good?) to him as we start to leave and he responds with a definitive Hao back. I must say it's a little odd traveling in a taxi sitting next to a guy you can't even ask 'Hows it going?'. So 15 minutes later I breath a sigh of relief as I see the familiar landmarks of my favorite Beijing establishment. I give the driver a great tip ($2 on a $3 cab fare) and waltz in like I own the world.

Many beers and not so many hours later, I find myself at a pool table absolutely working it. This means two very important things - 1) I'm drunk enough that I've stopped over thinking the angles and thus I am playing great pool, and 2) I've got about 5, maybe 6 more games in me before I become too drunk to even hit the cue ball in the middle. For those of you asking the question - why doesn't he just stop drinking so much so that he maintains his current drunk and is able to play great pool? - well, lol I'm sure no one reading this is actually asking that question. So anyways, I beat the next guy and up walks this dude looking very middle eastern, extremely well dressed, big gold rings, and with two guys walking behind him that I can only describe as lackeys. Compared to the other guy they were poorly dressed and you could just tell they came from inferior dna. Immediately, even as drunk as I am, a few red flags start to go up. Does that stop me from walking up, shaking the guys hand, and asking him if he is ready to lose? Of course not.

So we start talking and he is really good-natured and I ask him where he is from. Saudia Arabia, he says. Well let's just say that alarm bells are starting to go off along with the red flags. We start playing and I can tell he is really good but I end up beating him the first game. This whole time his lackeys are standing off to one side, drinking and having a good time, but clearly keeping an eye on everything that is going on. The next game I lose and I can start to feel that my 5 or 6 game 'maintain' time frame is going to be severely shortened this night. The next game we play I lose again only this time it's to the tune of 4 or 5 balls and it's clear that I'm no longer going to be able to compete with this guy. He breaks the next game and as I'm standing over my first shot wondering whether I'm solids or stripes, my new friend walks up to me, gently grabs the pool stick and with a smile says, you should probably give this to me. Now I don't know if it was his dangerous accent or the confidence with which he said it, but it was clear to both of us that I was done playing pool and giving him the pool stick was the best course of action.

So I laughed, handed him the stick and said maybe I should just focus on drinking beer. He walks over and hands the stick to one of his lackeys and they pick up the game where we left off. Now before I left the table my new friend had already sunk a few balls so he had a decent lead on his lackey when they started. It was immediately obvious that he was a much better pool player then his lackey, but his lackey had a few ducks and got lucky a few times and by the time they had gone a few rounds the lackey was actually up 2 balls to 4. This whole time I'm leaning against this island bar that separates the dance floor from the pool table area just watching the pool and laughing along with my Saudi friends. The waitress walks up at this point and my new dangerous buddy was standing next to me trying to talk to me. The waitress asks if we need anything and my Saudi friend leans across me to, I assume, tell her he wants another beer. I can't help but over hear since he and the waitress are on opposite sides of me, and what I hear him say is "Can you bring me a knife?". The waitress and I both look at each other in shock like "Did you just hear what I heard?", and with the slight pause for effect over he says to her "Cause if I lose to this guy I'm going to slit my throat." The waitress and I both look back at him with what I'm sure were crazy faces and after pausing another second he bursts out in laughter.

So I immediately start laughing in an attempt to return the situation to some semblance of sanity and as the Saudi walks over to hit his next shot the waitress hurriedly walks away in search of less dangerous customers. The guy goes on a 4 ball winning streak which didn't seem to surprise the lackey at all and after I had cheered his win I stated drunkenness and stumbled out the door in search of cold air and what I hoped would be an uneventful cab ride home.

Needless to say I made it back and survived so that I might regale you with dangerous tales from dangerous places.